Tonight here at the Timon living community where I’m staying for almost two months, I found an old piano book of mine. I’d accidentally left it here when moving over half a year ago. Eagerly I opened it and played a few tunes… only to discover that it was actually pretty tough. What I had practiced in the two years I was here, I had lost again with the operation of March. Jumping with my eyes from notes to piano was exhausting. The memory of the music was not in my fingers. My brain could not think fast enough to zap between fingers, eyes and feet. And I strongly felt the post-operation pain stopping me from continuing. Oh man how frustrating. At my house I allowed the tears to come. Where's God and why did He encourage me to go through this terrible operation?! Why did I lose SO much after the hemorrhage... and then again with the operation...?
I’ve been reading the above book – ‘Where is God when it hurts?’ by Philip Yancey. He’s opening my eyes to a whole added reason for the thing called ‘pain’. Which we all are constantly trying to avoid… He's saying stuff like, ‘Happiness will come upon me unexpectedly as a by-product to something I have invested myself in. And, most likely, that investment will include pain.’ I prefer to have the happiness without the pain. And I prefer God to organize that. But well, if these two, happiness and pain, do indeed go together... (…Mattanja has still got a road of acceptance to go down, so she won’t say too much wise stuff in the place of this dotdotdot…)