Ah I should not confuse you. Since my last writing I was indeed busy 'treading water' in the figurative sense. I ended up going to two different places in the hopes of finding a restful retreat. I did not exactly find this in the two places I went. I think both places did not really know how to cope with my (invisible) energy problems. Both were not so well-prepared to meet the expectations of someone who had come from so far and had been able to do so much, but now was so limited. At the second place I was at, I felt alone and discouraged. Nobody really took the time to listen to my struggles. Nobody saw how deeply my life had been affected. Instead, so much was expected of me. I was expected to keep my own room clean (in Amsterdam, someone helps in my household). I was expected to be dressed and at breakfast at 8 (in Amsterdam, I think it's usually about 9.30 before I have anything). My schedule was full with people from 8 in the morning to 9.30 in the evening (in Amsterdam, I have one or two 'people moments' in the day). I can go on... So many expectations. And because the place was Christian, I felt that God must be behind the expectations I couldn't meet. He was standing there with a whip to lash out as soon as I messed up. Which would rather be sooner than later.
BUT. One of the very special things that happened while I was there - the king came by!! I kid you not. King Willem-Alexander and queen Maxima came to visit the region, to make Twente a little more well-known to vacationers. The king came to the tiny village of Beuningen, where I was staying! I didn't see the Dutch king W-A, but to me it felt like a huge encouragement: the heavenly King of kings saw me in my grief, in my treading water, and He came all the way to tiny Beuningen to comfort me. My response? "Oh come let us adore Him..."