It really felt like going back into the fog, going down the mountain I wrote about in the last post. On the top of the mountain, there was a totally clear sky and view of other mountains out in the distance. As I took the cable car back down, we moved right into the fog again. And as we touched the ground, we were back in the dreary, grey atmosphere with the clouds hanging over us.
I was reminded of this this morning. A few days ago I received a troubling letter from social welfare, about the costs of my book. I thought I was over it by now, but when I woke up this morning after six hours, and sleep wouldn't come again... This was apparently not the case. I went biking. And once more had to deal with dreary clouds and a grey sky. With sudden bursts of beautiful sunshine, once in a while.
Life can be like that mountaintop experience. It can be exuberating, you've written a book, you live on your own again, you feel total trust in God. Life can also be like the cloud experience. It's bewildering, you get a nasty letter from social welfare, you are tormented by deep doubts in God. Sometimes when you're in the clouds, you get little bits of view of the mountain top... and sometimes you don't. Sometimes the clouds just hang and you spend day after day after day without much visibility.
This is so frustrating, man can it be frustrating. And yet I'm encouraged, to walk in trust at all times. Trusting that what I don't see, actually does exist even when my emotions don't feel it. We humans tend to feel like we can only trust once we’ve seen. God calls me to trust even though I’ve not seen yet. Up on the mountaintop, there's a clear sky and a bright sun even if down here I see none of this. My book has important stuff, even if social welfare isn't helping out much. My life has value, even if I don't have a job. And God is guiding my steps, even if He hasn't solved all my problems. So I keep walking...
(down here a few more pictures of Switzerland. The first being a drink I thought was only available in Sw (it is not). The middle a view of a town we went to, with nice paintings on the buildings (which really matched my walker huh). The last being a pic of the Swiss friend I visited.)